I sit here at home finally after an insanely busy night filled with everything from a rash, internal bleeding, to two people that flew off a high speed motorcycle! While I did have a very busy night, I only had one patient that was critical and had to go to the ICU. He was very unstable with COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) and basic breathing was an immense chore for him. I tried to stabilize him with oxygen and several medications but we had to call the respiratory therapist to put him on a special machine with a mask to help him breathe.
BIPAP: Bilevel positive airway pressure is used when positive airway pressure is needed with the addition of pressure support. Common situations where positive airway pressure is indicated are those where taking a breath is difficult. These include pneumonia, COPD, asthma, status asthmaticus.
Prior to being on the machine his blood oxygen level was 88% and he was using his abdominal muscles in order to breath. He was sweating and having great difficulty talking to me. I had him for quite some time as my patient and I found him to be a very kind, gentle soul. He was scared. I knew he was, and rightly so. He not only had a breathing disorder but his heart was failing and he knew it. He was growing more and more anxious and kept saying "don't leave me, don't be gone long. I can breath better when your next to me".
"Nurse Emma, am I gonna make through this?"....I answered him the best way I could... "what do you think?"
he answered me, "I think I can do it...I have to do it."
Do I believe he's going to make it? Unfortunately, No. He is too far gone.His heart is failing, His lungs are filling up with fluid and his quality of life is going downhill. Now, I'm not writing this because it's a sad story. I'm actually writing it because I was inspired by this man. He maintained a positive outlook throughout the entire ordeal. Even though he was at his lowest point...he treated me and the other ER staff with respect and kindness. He could feel that his time was coming but chose to look on the up side of things, instead of the down. It's crazy to think that someone in this situation can do that but we, as healthy adults, struggle with that concept everyday.
Everyday in my job I deal with life and death situations and while I feel saddened, they are ultimately patients at my job and not people that I have a close personal connection with. This week, however, was a tough one. I had two dear friends lose loved ones and to be honest, it really got to me. It made me stop and evaluate my views on death and how much it would truly affect me. It's crazy to think that the only constant in this crazy life, the only guarantee is that we are going to die.
Me.
You.
We are going to die. It's inevitable.
Yet, when it arrives, we are shaken to the core and not ready to face it. Even when we know loved ones are sick, we can't seem to cut the heartstrings little by little to make it easier. Would we want to do that if we knew it would ease the pain? I don't think so.
I know it's cliche but I think the only way to make death more manageable is to take every chance we get to tell the people around us how we feel. Someday, when they are gone, we are going to wish for one more talk, one more glance, or one more time to see them walk through the door. My thought is, hopefully if we love them with everything we have while they are still alive, that will tide us over until we meet them again in heaven.
This post is dedicated to my old and newfound friend Glenn. I know this weekend has been tough on you and I think it was so courageous the way you handled it all. I want you to know that watching the way you cared for and treated Brittany was the perfect example of how we should all live our lives.
With Complete Love.
Thank you for inspiring and teaching me things everyday, even when you don't realize you're doing it. I consider you not only an amazing friend but someone who has opened my eyes up to more things than I thought I could see.
