One liners............

Lines of the night.....


me: "take your medicine with food"
them: "what kind of food?"
me: "any type of food, breakfast lunch or dinner"
them: "what should i cook for the week, i need suggestions"
me :(what i really said ) " cook some meat, veggies and rice"
me: (what i wanted to say) "i'm not your f#$^$$# personal chef, i don't f#$$^$ care you lazy dumbass".


me: "how many drinks did you have tonight, you seem intoxicated"?
patient: " i got my disability check and bought some vodka"
me: what did you mix with it?
patient: "i don't understand"
me: "what did you mix the vodka with"?
patient: "more vodka".
me: "perfect".

patient : "i keep vomicking"
me: "you keep what?!!"
patient: "vomicking...you know vomicking all over the place"
me: "ohhhhhh vomiting......"
patient: " ya......thats what i said nurse, vomicking".


me:"maam, the doctor and I have to perform a pelvic exam"
patient: " listen honey...if that doctor wants to play little house on the prairie, then he at least needs to buy me groceries first."
me: (excused myself from the room laughing)

another night in heaven :)
Emma RN